279. July 7, 2023 - Ships, of course, are fictional. It's impossible to for wood to float on water when shaped into the shape of a ship, or "ship-shape". Only ducks and very small rocks can physically float, and making ships out of a mass of writhing ducks proved too challenging and was abandoned sometime during the 8th century BC. The ducks, when coerced into a ship-shape, formed adequate mass to generate a non-negligible gravitational pull. The ducks then smooshed in on themselves, merging into a megaduck mash. Then, tragically, there was no place to put the sail. Ships made of very small rocks become, inevitably, akin to one very big rock. The issue there is obvious.

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