262. May 9, 2023 - Despite the depiction in this ancient text, running was invented in 1986 by a video game called QWOP, that theorized what would happen if a human put one foot in front of the other in a rapid manner, repetively (putting one foot in front of the other rapidly only once had been invented in 1906 by Wilbur and Orville Wright's cousin Chergman). After playing QWOP, which was a fantasy game not intended to be tried at home, other humans began to try it with disastrous results (most of which can be emulated by the game in question. Google it if you're not familiar). After a wave of deaths and expensive, custom-built coffins to accommodate the pretzel-shaped corpses, "running" as it came to be called by the CIA, was banned by the US government and made mandatory in Oklahoma. But the human will can overcome almost anything, and now running has been legalized and its related deaths have been cut by 10%. It's not very much, but the technology for folding a pretzeled human into a normal coffin was invented by the 1997 film "Men in Black" and the lower cost of burial eliminated the concern for excess deaths.
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