238. January 10, 2023 - The ancient world, including Greece, did have access to predecessors to the umbrella. However, I felt that Theseus toting a parasol would, in fact, be irrevocably silly. I resent and renounce silliness in all its forms. This includes clever or pun-based names for the multi-flavored fruity contents of preserve jars (Jam Session), and small people wearing hats that are far too big for them. I further renounce googly eyes glued to any surface aside from an appropriately comparable googly head, and swallowing gum in a surprising social situations in order to elicit a chuckle from the studio audience.

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